Just another slow day at work in the office. I'm really starting to get rather bored sometimes with everything. It seems that at times it's not really worth me sitting around all day doing nothing....but, I am getting paid $10 an hour so can't complain can I?
Update on therapy so far. Rick (therapist) has told me to really work hard on prioritizing things in my life on a day to day basis. Using a system he called "IPA" (any beer drinker will know what I first thought when he told me this!) which stands for:
Identify
Prioritize
Actualize
So, with this system I am able to look the day/night before my day and recognize what I need to get done the next day, prioritize the tasks to be done, and then putting them down in a calendar. This shouldn't be too hard as long as I make it a habit.
Other news, I've really enjoyed the slow time at the office. Now, I know I complained earlier but it's given me time to really look at my life and do some pondering. That and I enjoy having my own office I can read a book in if needed!
Song of the Day: "1983"-Neon Trees
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j51LRUjIdnE&feature=relmfu
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Back at it Again (11/05/12)
So, I recently was inspired by someone to really chronicle/journal my feelings. So, I decided to really put things down in a blog but keep the address hidden. If people find it, so be it. But, for the time being I'm not going to really advertise this blog. Heck, may even make another one but this one is meant for me and anyone who finds it or I share it with.
Lately I've been really struggling with depression and anxiety related issues. One of the major underlying causes behind this was that I really didn't manage my stress levels well and it came back to royally bite me in the ass. Because of this, I started to delve really deep down in my mental stature. I was becoming more of a suicide risk, not really pondering life as something to be kept but as something that could end along with my suffering. I was at the point where I could slit my wrists, bleed out, and think nothing of it.
But, that's the thing....Satan is one slippery little guy. Sorry if I offend any feminists here, but Satan is a guy. Anyway, Satan being the little trickster he is got down in the mud and held my face in it till I was choking on shame. When I was let up for air at all I kept thinking, "man I'm 'damaged goods' now....I'm worthless....what's the point?" I essentially became an empty shell. But, over the period of one night I didn't sleep, and made a remark to a teacher at the school I was student teaching at that I didn't know if it was worth it to keep going...with student teaching or life.
Lucky for me, red flags started FLYING. So, one thing led to another and I eventually was "asked" to medically withdraw. I then changed majors, started counseling, and am now really taking inventory of things in my life. I've learned that while I was still stressed and anxious I was someone that was not alone. It got better! Well, let me put some emphasis on this.....if you need help, please get it! If you need something or feel your grip slipping on everything talk to people. My biggest mistake was not letting people in. I regret that so so much. To my family and friends who stuck by me, thank you for that. You don't know how much that means to me.
I'll post again real real soon about a certain someone who has come into my life....eh, that may be on the other blog. But, I think God's really letting me open my heart up to her and really let her in through all of this. Crazy to think that she's into me with all of this recently going on. But, I'm kinda crazy about her, so it works out.
Song of the Day: "Kick it in the Sticks"-Brantley Gilbert
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve8sNTqrzCw )
Saw this dude on the CMA awards and decided to look up his music....rock music has revolutionized country....and I like it!
Lately I've been really struggling with depression and anxiety related issues. One of the major underlying causes behind this was that I really didn't manage my stress levels well and it came back to royally bite me in the ass. Because of this, I started to delve really deep down in my mental stature. I was becoming more of a suicide risk, not really pondering life as something to be kept but as something that could end along with my suffering. I was at the point where I could slit my wrists, bleed out, and think nothing of it.
But, that's the thing....Satan is one slippery little guy. Sorry if I offend any feminists here, but Satan is a guy. Anyway, Satan being the little trickster he is got down in the mud and held my face in it till I was choking on shame. When I was let up for air at all I kept thinking, "man I'm 'damaged goods' now....I'm worthless....what's the point?" I essentially became an empty shell. But, over the period of one night I didn't sleep, and made a remark to a teacher at the school I was student teaching at that I didn't know if it was worth it to keep going...with student teaching or life.
Lucky for me, red flags started FLYING. So, one thing led to another and I eventually was "asked" to medically withdraw. I then changed majors, started counseling, and am now really taking inventory of things in my life. I've learned that while I was still stressed and anxious I was someone that was not alone. It got better! Well, let me put some emphasis on this.....if you need help, please get it! If you need something or feel your grip slipping on everything talk to people. My biggest mistake was not letting people in. I regret that so so much. To my family and friends who stuck by me, thank you for that. You don't know how much that means to me.
I'll post again real real soon about a certain someone who has come into my life....eh, that may be on the other blog. But, I think God's really letting me open my heart up to her and really let her in through all of this. Crazy to think that she's into me with all of this recently going on. But, I'm kinda crazy about her, so it works out.
Song of the Day: "Kick it in the Sticks"-Brantley Gilbert
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve8sNTqrzCw )
Saw this dude on the CMA awards and decided to look up his music....rock music has revolutionized country....and I like it!
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